Ok, so I am sure that you are not shocked to hear that when you walk around with 2 kids the same age people make comments. I mean it is hard to resist. What I did not anticipate was how many comments I got about them before they were even born! A few (a VERY few) were helpful or positive the rest I could have gone my entire life without hearing.
So, apparently being pregnant means that perfect strangers should come up to you and your family to make some sort of comment. I knew this was coming from the first time around, and I didn't like it then either. The thing that was different this time was the expression on the perfect strangers face when they ask "when are you due?" and the response is much farther away than they anticipate. Of course, then it feels like you need to say something to explain the fact that you look like you are massive. For a while I tried to think of some smart comment, but I never came up with anything so I went with, "yeah, there are two in there". Then, it starts:
1. Wow, you are sure going to be busy.
Really, cause I was thinking that having two infants, toddlers, preschoolers, etc at the same time was going to be a piece of cake! Oh, and yeah there is that older kid too... Thanks for that.
2. Did you plan that?
Yup. When I was ovulating we decided we really wanted to have twins so we danced naked in the front yard under a full mood before doing the deed! Seriously, did I plan it? What because it is an appropriate thing to ask someone if they have had fertility treatments that may have caused them to have increased chances of having twins?
3. What are you going to do?
Well, I imagine that around the time they are due I will go into labor and have them? Eventually we will come home and they will grow up to be leaders of the free world? Who knows!
4. You know, my ____________ was pregnant with twins and one died during the birth.
Well, thank you. I certainly was not concerned already that this might be a more risky pregnancy than others, so thanks for that bit of encouragement.
5. You know, sometimes one eats the other in utero.
Ummm... again, thanks!
6. Oh, you are so lucky to have got them all done in one shot!
Yeah, but did you not notice the toddler that is standing next to me... I realize I am massive and might be hiding her from view with my belly, but she is mine... AND who the heck are you telling me I have to be through? For all you know I want a few dozen more!
Of course the above list is not exhaustive... there were other asinine things that people said that are not worth it, but this next one takes the cake!
About 2 months before the boys were due Mom, Isabelle & I spent a day in Portland looking for some last minute baby items and just getting out. We went into one store, I will not say which one, and the salesperson at the check out gasped (audibly) when she saw me... She said (she really did), "If you go into labor you are on your own!" I looked at her, did not crack a smile and simply said, "Thanks, I'm not due for another 2 months I think we are safe." She then replied, "WHAT? You cannot possible go another 2 months! You are HUGE!" I said, "Thanks, that is exactly what I was hoping to hear today." She still kept on talking... I just ignored her until I couldn't take it any more and said, "I am having twins!"
Fortunately or unfortunately these experiences were mine alone. Jason was working lots and often I was out without him and I heard and responded to the comments. Not that he couldn't have handled the comments, but he would have found them annoying and been a little less tactful about them. He got his fill once they arrived, but that is a story for another time!
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
The Early Pregnancy
For the first four or 5 months I believed or at least wanted to believe that life while pregnant was going to be pretty much the same as life while pregnant with Isabelle was... I was wrong. I knew this intellectually WAY before I allowed myself to believe it emotionally. For starters, I worked until 5 (yes 5) days after my due date with Isabelle and felt guilty calling out sick on the day I went into labor. I mean I didn't go into labor until 7:00pm I am a teacher... I could have worked the school day if I had put in some effort!
This time around was different. I felt tired the first 3 months with Isabelle, but as if `by magic I felt the BEST I have ever felt in my life during months four all the way until about 2 weeks before she was born. I kept waiting for this burst of energy, this feeling of excitement, this feeling that anything was possible... it never came. I continued to interview for teaching jobs until I realized that with a due date in November and the School year starting in September I was out for at least a year. Financially this was not a good thing, and I realized this before Jason... our financial planner. So, since I was reading lots I decided the way to share this realization was through reading parts of books to him. The one we found particularly useful was When You're Expecting Twins, Triplets, or Quads, Revised Edition: Proven Guidelines for a Healthy Multiple Pregnancy
. Aside from the fact that it gave a little more of a realistic impression of what pregnancy was like when expecting more than one baby, it went into the diet, possible need for bedrest and likelyhood of early delivery.
Still the realization that finding a job was not going to be a realistic goal for me was not a good thing. I called it the "Death of Happiness" period of the pregnancy. We had just purchaed a house, found that Jason's employer's idea of about the same salary really meant $4.00/hr less and now realized that we were going to be struggling for at least the next year financially to even keep our home. Honestly, I am not sure how we did keep our house, but we did!
This time around was different. I felt tired the first 3 months with Isabelle, but as if `by magic I felt the BEST I have ever felt in my life during months four all the way until about 2 weeks before she was born. I kept waiting for this burst of energy, this feeling of excitement, this feeling that anything was possible... it never came. I continued to interview for teaching jobs until I realized that with a due date in November and the School year starting in September I was out for at least a year. Financially this was not a good thing, and I realized this before Jason... our financial planner. So, since I was reading lots I decided the way to share this realization was through reading parts of books to him. The one we found particularly useful was When You're Expecting Twins, Triplets, or Quads, Revised Edition: Proven Guidelines for a Healthy Multiple Pregnancy
. Aside from the fact that it gave a little more of a realistic impression of what pregnancy was like when expecting more than one baby, it went into the diet, possible need for bedrest and likelyhood of early delivery. Still the realization that finding a job was not going to be a realistic goal for me was not a good thing. I called it the "Death of Happiness" period of the pregnancy. We had just purchaed a house, found that Jason's employer's idea of about the same salary really meant $4.00/hr less and now realized that we were going to be struggling for at least the next year financially to even keep our home. Honestly, I am not sure how we did keep our house, but we did!
Breaking the News
While Jason & I had planned on having another baby, we were not exactly thinking right away. You know since we had just moved we planned to get settled and then maybe have another. However, at the same time we were not being overly "careful" since we had miscarried only about 3 months prior to the boys conception and I for one was nervous that the miscarriage might have meant that the next time around might be more difficult. Apparently I was wrong.
Since we had miscarried only a few months before I decided that we would tell NO ONE until we were at the 12 week mark and had seen the Dr. to make sure everything was fine. So we went about our moving and new house prep as usual. We settled on an OB, and my appointment was set for 12 weeks. Since we had been there,done that already with Jason attending just about EVERY pregnancy appointment while I was pregnant with Isabelle we felt that he could forgo the first appointment this time around. However, since we were not telling anyone and we had just moved back home we did not have a babysitter so I would have to bring Isabelle with me... She had just turned 3. So off we went to mommy's doctor.
Upon arriving they did the routine blood work, questions, and measurements. They also tried listening for a heartbeat. This was where things went wrong before so I was nervous. Actually, I had gone over ways in my mind about how I would deal with hearing that they could not find one in front of my new 3 year old. So, the nurse, who was super patient and understanding about my concerns (and the busy 3 year old), began searching for the heartbeat... this seemed to take hours, but I am sure it was only a minute or even less. Finally, the nurse says, "Well, something sounds a little 'strange', but don't worry I will make sure that you feel confident that everything is FINE before you go." If you have never been to this kind of appointment before I will assure you that when a nurse, midwife, ob or other medical professional is listening to your belly for your baby's heartbeat, "something sounds strange" is NOT what you want to hear. I managed to hide my anxiety from my daughter as we made the trek down the hall to see if we could get an ultrasound. Again, since this was supposed to be a routine first appointment Jason was not in attendance and we certainly did not think that we would be having an ultrasound.
So, I get on the table the cold jelly is applied to my belly and my 3 year old is eagerly watching the "TV" as the nurse searches for the baby.She finds it quickly and everything looks fine and then she keeps searching... I thought that was odd, but I was too relieved to read anything into the second search. Then she finds another "something" and says, "do you see what I see?" and I respond that I see the baby there, pointing to the initial spot and something else over there." my mind still was thinking that this other "something" was a problem like a cyst or problem related to the previous miscarriage. She laughs and says, yes, there does seem to be 'something' else over there... it is another BABY!" I still did not get what she was saying until she said the words two babies, TWINS!
I sat there in shock, staring at the screen, and then looking at Isabelle. Finally, I said, "But I don't have twins in my family." Of course that may or may not be true since I was adopted and have no idea what my biological family history is, however, I had no response for such a thing. My second question was, "Are you going to be the one to tell my husband?" She must have said no because somehow, I made it out of the office and scheduled a second ultrasound appointment and got to my car as if on autopilot. I also somehow dialed my cell phone to call Jason as he was just getting out of work and relaxing before class... I somehow uttered that everything was fine, but that there was some news. There were two. Of course he thought I was kidding and then I got mad because how could anyone joke about a thing like that?!?! I mean, sure we had, but would I really do it now? Well, maybe, but nope, not this time!
At this point we felt that it was important to start telling people since I might start to show earlier. What I didn't know until now was that Jason's mother had already asked Jason if I was pregnant. I remember being incensed at this thought! I mean really I was only 12 weeks! I could have hid it a lot longer with Isabelle, but then again I was having twins! People were of course happy for us that I was pregnant, but I made sure my parents and everyone else I told was sitting before we told them there were two... Most people had the same reactions Jason & I did... complete shock!
Since we had miscarried only a few months before I decided that we would tell NO ONE until we were at the 12 week mark and had seen the Dr. to make sure everything was fine. So we went about our moving and new house prep as usual. We settled on an OB, and my appointment was set for 12 weeks. Since we had been there,done that already with Jason attending just about EVERY pregnancy appointment while I was pregnant with Isabelle we felt that he could forgo the first appointment this time around. However, since we were not telling anyone and we had just moved back home we did not have a babysitter so I would have to bring Isabelle with me... She had just turned 3. So off we went to mommy's doctor.
Upon arriving they did the routine blood work, questions, and measurements. They also tried listening for a heartbeat. This was where things went wrong before so I was nervous. Actually, I had gone over ways in my mind about how I would deal with hearing that they could not find one in front of my new 3 year old. So, the nurse, who was super patient and understanding about my concerns (and the busy 3 year old), began searching for the heartbeat... this seemed to take hours, but I am sure it was only a minute or even less. Finally, the nurse says, "Well, something sounds a little 'strange', but don't worry I will make sure that you feel confident that everything is FINE before you go." If you have never been to this kind of appointment before I will assure you that when a nurse, midwife, ob or other medical professional is listening to your belly for your baby's heartbeat, "something sounds strange" is NOT what you want to hear. I managed to hide my anxiety from my daughter as we made the trek down the hall to see if we could get an ultrasound. Again, since this was supposed to be a routine first appointment Jason was not in attendance and we certainly did not think that we would be having an ultrasound.
So, I get on the table the cold jelly is applied to my belly and my 3 year old is eagerly watching the "TV" as the nurse searches for the baby.She finds it quickly and everything looks fine and then she keeps searching... I thought that was odd, but I was too relieved to read anything into the second search. Then she finds another "something" and says, "do you see what I see?" and I respond that I see the baby there, pointing to the initial spot and something else over there." my mind still was thinking that this other "something" was a problem like a cyst or problem related to the previous miscarriage. She laughs and says, yes, there does seem to be 'something' else over there... it is another BABY!" I still did not get what she was saying until she said the words two babies, TWINS!
I sat there in shock, staring at the screen, and then looking at Isabelle. Finally, I said, "But I don't have twins in my family." Of course that may or may not be true since I was adopted and have no idea what my biological family history is, however, I had no response for such a thing. My second question was, "Are you going to be the one to tell my husband?" She must have said no because somehow, I made it out of the office and scheduled a second ultrasound appointment and got to my car as if on autopilot. I also somehow dialed my cell phone to call Jason as he was just getting out of work and relaxing before class... I somehow uttered that everything was fine, but that there was some news. There were two. Of course he thought I was kidding and then I got mad because how could anyone joke about a thing like that?!?! I mean, sure we had, but would I really do it now? Well, maybe, but nope, not this time!
At this point we felt that it was important to start telling people since I might start to show earlier. What I didn't know until now was that Jason's mother had already asked Jason if I was pregnant. I remember being incensed at this thought! I mean really I was only 12 weeks! I could have hid it a lot longer with Isabelle, but then again I was having twins! People were of course happy for us that I was pregnant, but I made sure my parents and everyone else I told was sitting before we told them there were two... Most people had the same reactions Jason & I did... complete shock!
Monday, November 1, 2010
The Back Story
Prior to the boys conception we had been living in Rhode Island, a happy little family of three. I had been teaching and Jason was working for his present employer. Isabelle was about 2.5 and we were worried about school, already. The little girl across the street had started Kindergarten the previous year and was in an average size class with 28 children. For those of you who are not familiar with teaching kindergarten students 28 kids who are new to the whole "school thing" is just too many kids. We had talked a lot about moving back home to Maine so that Isabelle could be closer to her grandparents and the opportunity arose when Jason's employer announced the opening of a new store in Portland, Me! This was our shot to move home! Jason started "Project Pine Tree Relocation" and we listed our house for sale! There was a catch, however, there is always a catch you know. The store was set to open on Valentine's Day and I was a teacher meaning I would have to leave my job prior to the end of the school year. So, I gave notice that I would be taking a leave of absence from February vacation through the end of the school year and planned to get a job in Maine.
Things went smoothly overall with the initial transition. We sold our house in Rhode Island in perfect timing to move in February. We found a 2 family house in Maine that although I was not in love with it, I was sure we would live there for about a year and then rent both halves of the house and use the equity for a down payment on a single family house that we liked better in a school district that we liked better. This is where things took a bit of a turn.
As I said we moved in February, and actually closed on our new house within a week of moving, but had LOTS of work to do before actually moving into the house. Basically just cosmetics, but still, work. In the mean time we lived in my grandmother's condo for about a month. By the time we moved into the new house in March, you guessed it... I was pregnant!
Things went smoothly overall with the initial transition. We sold our house in Rhode Island in perfect timing to move in February. We found a 2 family house in Maine that although I was not in love with it, I was sure we would live there for about a year and then rent both halves of the house and use the equity for a down payment on a single family house that we liked better in a school district that we liked better. This is where things took a bit of a turn.
As I said we moved in February, and actually closed on our new house within a week of moving, but had LOTS of work to do before actually moving into the house. Basically just cosmetics, but still, work. In the mean time we lived in my grandmother's condo for about a month. By the time we moved into the new house in March, you guessed it... I was pregnant!
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Ever wonder if the reality shows really are reality?
Well, after watching and hearing about all the reality shows about twins and multiples I felt like it was time to throw in my two cents! I realize that most of the reality shows depict higher order twins or as they are often dubbed "super twins" I felt that even telling the reality of a family with "just" twins might be worthwhile.
For those who may not be aware, I am the mom of a beautiful 6 year old and very spirited 3 year old twin boys. In the early days, people used to comment a lot on the whole John & Kate plus 8 thing. I had actually only seen the show maybe a handful of times and would find it infuriating. Why? Because there is absolutely zero truth to the show. I have since seen a few other shows that claim to be reality shows about multiples, but in fact the key component to most of these shows is that they leave out the reality. The sleepless nights, the bills that you can't pay, the fact that you can't afford cable to watch such things in the first place. With that said I love all 3 of my children and without hesitation would not change a thing, but if you are interested in what having twins is all about stay tuned...
For those who may not be aware, I am the mom of a beautiful 6 year old and very spirited 3 year old twin boys. In the early days, people used to comment a lot on the whole John & Kate plus 8 thing. I had actually only seen the show maybe a handful of times and would find it infuriating. Why? Because there is absolutely zero truth to the show. I have since seen a few other shows that claim to be reality shows about multiples, but in fact the key component to most of these shows is that they leave out the reality. The sleepless nights, the bills that you can't pay, the fact that you can't afford cable to watch such things in the first place. With that said I love all 3 of my children and without hesitation would not change a thing, but if you are interested in what having twins is all about stay tuned...
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