Those twin books...

I, like many twin moms, have read tons of books about raising twins. Most of them, believe it or not, were read after the boys arrived. Prior to their birth I had read lots as well, but mostly pertaining to the pregnancy and first few months. Once my parents had finally left (about 2 months after the boys arrived) and Jason was back to work I felt that I needed some words of wisdom from other twin mothers who had been there and who might actually have something to say that made sense to those of us living "it" for the first time. Well, I was wrong.

I did buy one book brand new, which was a huge thing since we could barely afford food; however, this book came highly recommended. I was at a loss for how to make anything work with two infants and a 3 year old, and had heard that this book had a "realistic" view of twins since it was written by a twin mother. So, I read the entire book cover to cover within 2 days. The only thing I felt was anger that I had spent 12.00 on a book filled with trash that really could only serve to alarm a new mother of twins! The one thing that stuck in my head was that you should NEVER pick up both babies at the same time, because it just was not safe! I mean SERIOUSLY! If you are a mother of newborn twins and another child and you are barely keeping yourself together after your family leaves and your husband returns to work who the **** is going to pick up the other one and hand him to you after you have gotten the first????

I guess this brings me back to my first day alone with all three children. My parents had stayed in Maine for 2 months extra to help out with the boys and Jason had taken time off from work, but only a few days after the boys were born and then went back for a shortened week for a couple of months. So, when my parents had left I had mixed feelings. I mean having your parents practically living with you in your house that is too small for the people who normally inhabit it can be a little, hmmm, challenging at times? Although, we, were grateful to have them there helping out because we were feeling like zombies and completely overwhelmed it was a bit of a relief in a way for them to go to Florida for the winter. We would finally, be able to figure out a "routine" that worked for all of us and now that the boys were two months old they did not seem as scary.

 I was a nursing mom and although the first 3 weeks were hell by the time they were 2 months old we were doing great! With nursing that is... I will say that the whole idea of juggling both boys to nurse was a bit intimidating. I mean not the nursing two part but the actual picking up two at a time and getting to where I was going and then getting up again to put them down was, well, not easy. There was a period of time I can remember sitting in my recliner, Jason not home, my parents gone back to Florida and Isabelle bouncing from the walls where I distinctly remember saying to myself, "how am I ever going to get out of this chair." I mean I was here for the whole day with all of the kids, I was bound to have to change a diaper, make a meal and maybe even use the bathroom! I was going to have to be able to get up!!! So, thankfully, I had been using the Double Blessings EZ-2-Nurse Twins Breastfeeding Pillow Mocha Brown Minky Dot . I had already been using the built in belt to hold it in place and I now realized that this pillow had another use... I could actually use this pillow as a little table to balance the boys with me holding them in a football hold to get out of my chair! Ok, so maybe it seems a little odd and likely not recommended, but it did give a little extra support to them while I got up and carried them to their swings! I will say that had the pillow fallen off of my waist I did have them gripped tightly and they would not have fallen, but still that is how I gained the confidence to get out of that chair while holding both boys that first day!

As time went on I realized carrying them both together was a necessity since of course when you have two infants they want to be held just as much as if you had one infant! Not to mention the fact that I was going to need to play with my older child now and then and being able to carry them hands-free was going to be necessary. I used a Moby Wrap Original 100% Cotton Solid Baby Carrier, Chocolate to carry both when they were tiny and then the moby on the front and an Ergo Baby Carrier Black with Camel Lining on the back once they got bigger and actually still use the ergo (they are 3 now) when they are having a rough time and want to be held. carrying and being able to pick up two infants is a difficult challenge, but it is certainly not dangerous as suggested by the writer claiming to give "Real-life advice from pregnancy through the first year".

If you don't think you can make it to Portland try stopping in Brunswick!

Early on in the pregnancy we had decided that although we live about 15 minutes from the local hospital we were not going to go there to deliver. We had images of the hospital there from our childhoods that were just not positive and although unfair to assume 20 years later things would be the same we could not get past that image. So, ultimately we decided that we would travel to Portland, Me. to deliver even though they were an hour from our house. I knew from experience that the first sign of labor did not mean there was a rush to get to the hospital so I was confident we would be fine.... until.... my water broke as my husband and daughter were at the end of the driveway getting ready to go to Memere's!

So, my water broke and I though maybe we did not have time for him to go to drop Isabelle off and then come get me so we piled into the car. I of course was making my best effort to be happy and positive about the whole labor and baby thing... trying not to panic since Jason had done enough of that for both of us! Meanwhile, Jason had called the doctor again to say that my water had broken and should we just go to the hospital in town. She said, "Well, just head this way and if it seems like you can't make it stop in Brunswick." that was about the halfway point. Like i mentioned in a previous post, my husband is the cool and calm one under pressure. One of the kids falls and gets hurt, he's your man, but the prospect of delivering a highway baby or two was not exactly calming for him. We got to the Brunswick exit and Jason was like, "think we should stop?" and I was thinking, cool, we don't even know where this hospital is so I might as well just have them in the car! However, what I said was,"Nope, we are fine let's keep going!"

We arrived in Portland and I felt relieved... until, we took the wrong turn on the way to the hospital and ended up having to go through town... But we made it, and they were waiting for us which was cool! Actually, my parents, who live about 40 minutes further away from us made it there before we did, but we got there and that is what counts! When we saw my high school doctor, I again had a tough time getting past things, but I did and she was great! Super professional and very calming. I was not really happy about the prospect of doing a c-section and she did say that we could try it without, but I said, "no, this is the plan and we are sticking to the plan, but I do not want to... I just have to get that out there." So we proceeded with the plan which in the end was good because during labor Baby B, aka Ian, had flipped into the breach position and I likely would have ended up having to recover from both types of deliveries. That was my nightmare!

Anyway, so the boys arrived, happy and healthy. thanks to a massive team of doctors. It is funny, because more people than I can count have commented, "Oh, two for the price of 1!" to which I reply, "Nope it is really two for the cost of two, and actually more like 2.5!". When twins or higher order multiples are delivered there are LOTS of doctors & nurses around, and of course in a teaching hospital there are interns! Typically each baby has a team of doctors and nurses including NICU doctors in the event there is a problem. Plus, there is a team for the mom too. FYI those NICU people are super expensive! BUT completely worth it, especially if there is a problem which is not uncommon with multiple births.

Now, the real fun starts... Life with twins! Like I said in my very first post, I love all three of my kids and would not change a thing, but it is not easy... and sometimes I wish it were!

But we have 2 more days!

While pregnant with our first baby, Isabelle, I had LOTS of ideas about how things should and would go during labor and delivery. At the time we were living in Rhode Island and although we were not the "home birth" type we were very into having a completely natural birth within a birth center. In our case, the birth center was like a 1 bedroom house on the first floor of the hospital. I guess that is good because that eliminated the need for transport in the event things did not go as planned. Which of course they did not. Actually, they could not have gone very much less as planned and still have a healthy, happy baby and mommy. We did start there of course, but after many hours we were sent up to labor & delivery in the hospital where I then got the epidural, and pitocin and all the garbage I had been very much against. Then 30, yes 30, hours after labor began Isabelle was born via c-section once it was determined that neither she nor I were in good enough shape to take the risk in continuing to labor.

Having had a previous c-section I was strongly encouraged to have another this time around. Actually, I did express a strong desire not to go that route, but after hearing the reasons and risks I finally decided that this was our best option. This was something that I had a very difficult time with. It literally took years before I was OK with the trauma of Isabelle's birth and here I was planning to go through this voluntarily this time around. It really was not until I had to make this choice that I realized it was fine that Isabelle was a c-section baby because she was perfect and healthy and I got to enjoy her.  Then,  I realized that regardless of how the boys arrived the only thing that really mattered was that they arrived safely and that we all were healthy in the end. Since this was the case once we were into the third trimester a date was set for the c-section... this part was a little odd to me. I did not like the idea of showing up at the hospital and saying OK here we are, so, I prayed that they would decide to come before this date. Not super early, but like a week or a few days before this would have been perfect!

As we inched closer to the arrival date I packed for myself, Isabelle & the boys. Jason, well, I figured as a big boy he could pack his own stuff. So, he in his Jason style, waited. I mean, he had time Isabelle was 5 days over due, and I had really shown very few signs that labor was approaching. So, what's the hurry?

One would think that once you have experienced labor you would know if you were experiencing it again. Well, that, is where you would be wrong. Two days before we were set to arrive in the hospital for the boys delivery I showered (thank God), bathed Isabelle, read books & stories and had a "normal" day at home while Jason went to work. He got home in time to make us dinner, and asked as he did every day, "are we going to have babies today?" I said, "Well, maybe" this made him wonder since I had said the same the night I went into labor with Isabelle. Although, not enough so that he did not finish making dinner and we still ate together. I told him that I had been feeling a lot of pressure, but not really contractions. The pressure was more in the area of where my pelvic bones had split and separated (this happened in week 16). At some point I told him to call the doctor because I was feeling a lot of pressure and my pelvic bones were really hurting. He dialed and I talked, Of course, my doctor was not the doctor on call. It was a doctor that was new to the practice, and an old high school friend. She did really well with the fact that she knew me, but it took me a little longer... The idea of the doctor delivering having been a high school classmate was hard to wrap my head around. Finally, she asked me questions about my pain/pressure. I answered and then she asked if it seemed to come & go. I thought about it and it actually had, but I refused to admit it at that point. She said, "well, keep an eye on it and if it seems to come & go call back." So, we did, and I started deliberately noticing a pattern.

One thing that I have not mentioned is that my husband is a pro under pressure. I mean he is not the least bit stressed out, he does not panic easily, and he is able to stay calm and focused. EXCEPT when I was in labor. For some reason if one of the kids, he or I get hurt or sick, he's the calm, cool & collected guy, but labor causes a panic that is indescribable. When he realized this was, in fact, "it", he started running around the house throwing stuff into bags muttering "But we have TWO MORE DAYS!" I am not sure what the "stuff" was, but he was frantically packing! It sort of reminded me of those contests where you could go into a store and grab as much stuff of the shelves as possible in 5 minutes. This of course created a feeling of, hmmm, excitement mixed with panic in our then three and a half year old daughter. She then found a paper bag and started throwing random things into it to take to Meme's . By this time I had tried halting the operation because I had already packed a treat bag and a clothes bag for her and did not want an overwhelming amount of "stuff" packed for her. I convinced them both that daddy only needed a change of clothes and his phone. I had packed the rest already and Jason could come back for anything he wanted later.

He then was to take Isabelle to his mother's while I got myself together in time for him to pick me up and go to the hospital. As I said before, birth does not always go as planned... What really happened was, Jason and Isabelle got loaded into the car drove down the driveway and I decided to get ready... When My water broke!

So what is a twin pregnancy really like?

Well, if you are pregnant with twins there are some essentials that every expectant twin mommy must have, a good doctor and lots of protien. A good doctor is not one that graduates from the best medical school with honors, although that is a bonus, but one who listens to you and knows that there is in fact a difference between having twins and having a singleton.

When we first found out that there were two in there we were 12 weeks along. Not an unusual time, but we were shocked by the news. I was obviously dazed and unable to think of any intelligent questions while looking at them on the screen for the first time. I think this was bliss for them. The fact that I asked nothing. The fact that as I scheduled my appointment I was barely coherent. They offered NOTHING. No flyers, no recommendations for books... nothing. They did tell me that since the ultrasound was done as a quickie in the office I would have to go back in TWO weeks for a confirmation that there were in fact two with the big machine and a trained ultrasound tech. So, with 2 whole weeks before getting to make sure there really were two and time to think about the idea what do you suppose one does? Well, of course they go right to the internet and find the most valid and helpful information possible!

So, while I was searching the internet for answers to my twenty million questions I actually felt even more concerned about the whole thing. Shocking, I know! I mean most people look to the internet for sound medical advice and really calm their nerves. Right? Anyway, so I came accross information about vanishing twin syndrome, the fact that you never are really "out of the woods" with a twin pregnancy and the possibility of miscarriage, about 100 terrifying birth horror stories, lots of stuff about bedrest and so much more! This information I found of course within a day of finding out we had twins on board... for the moment at least. So, as you can imagine this did nothing to help only caused panic and then anger that my doctor had given me NOTHING to help answer my questions. I mean sure I didn't ask any, but what person does not have questions after finding out they are having twins!?

It turns out that most of what I read on the internet was in fact true. There is a syndrome called Vanishing Twin. It actually is not where one twin eats the other, but simply that one twin is weaker and is somehow absorbed into the other or placenta or something. It is scary to think about and read about alone on your computer as you are expecting twins. What would have been helpful would be a handout or booklet or a few book names about twin pregnancy. Then I could have read about Vanishing Twin and seen that this is something that often happens before a woman even goes into the doctor and can even happen before knowing she was pregnant or having twins! Apparently, most cases of vanishing Twin occur before week 10. Being at week 12 it would have been nice to know that one of my kids was not going to "eat" the other!

The other big scary thing that would have been nice if my doctor had mentioned in the office was that whole miscarriage thing. Yes, in fact twins are considered a high risk pregnancy. The fact that it is high risk can mean many things. Although miscarriage or preterm labor are real concerns for women expecting twins or more than one baby it would be nice if a doctor explained the symptoms, what to look for and why you are or are not at risk for this based on these factors. Of course things happen to ANYONE for any reason and reasons that are unexplainable, But hearing that you are considered in the high risk pregnancy group is not something one should read online. It is something that should be discussed immediately upon knowing this information.

The other things I read, although disconcerting, were minor in comparisson. However, I really knew I was with the wrong doctor when I asked at that next appointment if they could talk to me about the differences between a twin pregnancy and a singleton pregnancy. The response, "Aww, there really is not much difference". Really? Huh, cause I certainly did FEEL different!

The other thing I mentioned that every woman expecting twins MUST have is lots of protein. Portien is what makes babies grow. Most twins are born early, and some are born so early that it is scary. Protien and lots of it, gives them a kickstart in utero. One really great way to do this is with protien powder. BUT be careful some protien powders are filled with chemicals that you really don't want to expose your baby to, which is why we went with Whole Foods Market 365 Whey Protein Powder. This is of course because my husband is the food police and in charge of making sure we all eat as well as financially possible. It tasted pretty good, I got the chocolate and it does not have tons of additives. It seemed to pay off too, my boys were born at 37 weeks 5 days weighing in at 6 lbs 13 ozs and 7 lbs 10ozs...

Other things you might need while pregnant with twins:
A warning sign: Woman Pregnant with Twins: Likely to be bitchy & sarcastic... keep your distance!
A great prenatal vitamin: Prenatal Just Once-Rainbow Light Prenatal Multi-Vitamin, 150ct this is what I took, and it worked well for me.
A belly/ pelvic support: Prenatal Cradle Adjustable Prenatal Cradle I know, it looks insane, but it allowed me to walk past my 28th week... Not sure that would have been possible otherwise.
A good recliner that lays flat for when you are too big and too uncomfortable to lay in a bed.
Some kind of pregnancy support pillow: Leachco Snoogle Total Body Pillow this one worked well for me until I was too big to be comfortable in bed.
A great twin support group: I used http://www.twinstuff.com/ daily during pregnancy and through the first few months of their lives... it was a great source of support! I still check back now & then but rarely make the time with two 3 year olds and a 6 year old!

Even with all that "stuff" a twin pregnancy is a lot. I found myself cycling through a range of emotions several times daily. Most of the time it was an inability to be rational due to a fear that something could go wrong. I finally did change doctor's, but waited until 29 weeks... it was like night & day, and I regretted not changing earlier. Looking back I think had I started out with the Dr. I ended with I would have been a lot less scared... at least about the pregancy & delivery... the arrival is a story for a different time, or post.

Really? Cause I hadn't thought of that until now!

Ok, so I am sure that you are not shocked to hear that when you walk around with 2 kids the same age people make comments. I mean it is hard to resist. What I did not anticipate was how many comments I got about them before they were even born! A few (a VERY few) were helpful or positive the rest I could have gone my entire life without hearing.

So, apparently being pregnant means that perfect strangers should come up to you and your family to make some sort of comment. I knew this was coming from the first time around, and I didn't like it then either. The thing that was different this time was the expression on the perfect strangers face when they ask "when are you due?" and the response is much farther away than they anticipate. Of course, then it feels like you need to say something to explain the fact that you look like you are massive. For a while I tried to think of some smart comment, but I never came up with anything so I went with, "yeah, there are two in there". Then, it starts:
1. Wow, you are sure going to be busy.

 Really, cause I was thinking that having two infants, toddlers, preschoolers, etc at the same time was going to be a piece of cake! Oh, and yeah there is that older kid too... Thanks for that.

2. Did you plan that?

Yup. When I was ovulating we decided we really wanted to have twins so we danced naked in the front yard under a full mood before doing the deed! Seriously, did I plan it? What because it is an appropriate thing to ask someone if they have had fertility treatments that may have caused them to have increased chances of having twins?

3. What are you going to do?

Well, I imagine that around the time they are due I will go into labor and have them? Eventually we will come home and they will grow up to be leaders of the free world? Who knows!

4. You know, my ____________ was pregnant with twins and one died during the birth.

Well, thank you. I certainly was not concerned already that this might be a more risky pregnancy than others, so thanks for that bit of encouragement.

5. You know, sometimes one eats the other in utero.

Ummm... again, thanks!

6. Oh, you are so lucky to have got them all done in one shot!

Yeah, but did you not notice the toddler that is standing next to me... I realize I am massive and might be hiding her from view with my belly, but she is mine... AND who the heck are you telling me I have to be through? For all you know I want a few dozen more!

Of course the above list is not exhaustive... there were other asinine things that people said that are not worth it, but this next one takes the cake!

About 2 months before the boys were due Mom, Isabelle  & I spent a day in Portland looking for some last minute baby items and just getting out. We went into one store, I will not say which one, and the salesperson at the check out gasped (audibly) when she saw me... She said (she really did), "If you go into labor you are on your own!" I looked at her, did not crack a smile and simply said, "Thanks, I'm not due for another 2 months I think we are safe." She then replied, "WHAT? You cannot possible go another 2 months! You are HUGE!" I said, "Thanks, that is exactly what I was hoping to hear today." She still kept on talking... I just ignored her until I couldn't take it any more and said, "I am having twins!"

Fortunately or unfortunately these experiences were mine alone. Jason was working lots and often I was out without him and I heard and responded to the comments. Not that he couldn't have handled the comments, but he would have found them annoying and been a little less tactful about them. He got his fill once they arrived, but that is a story for another time!

The Early Pregnancy

For the first four or 5 months I believed or at least wanted to believe that life while pregnant was going to be pretty much the same as life while pregnant with Isabelle was... I was wrong. I knew this intellectually WAY before I allowed myself to believe it emotionally. For starters, I worked until 5 (yes 5) days after my due date with Isabelle and felt guilty calling out sick on the day I went into labor. I mean I didn't go into labor until 7:00pm I am a teacher... I could have worked the school day if I had put in some effort!

This time around was different. I felt tired the first 3 months with Isabelle, but as if `by magic I felt the BEST I have ever felt in my life during months four all the way until about 2 weeks before she was born. I kept waiting for this burst of energy, this feeling of excitement, this feeling that anything was possible... it never came. I continued to interview for teaching jobs until I realized that with a due date in November and the School year starting in September I was out for at least a year. Financially this was not a good thing, and I realized this before Jason... our financial planner. So, since I was reading lots I decided the way to share this realization was through reading parts of books to him. The one we found particularly useful was When You're Expecting Twins, Triplets, or Quads, Revised Edition: Proven Guidelines for a Healthy Multiple Pregnancy. Aside from the fact that it gave a little more of a realistic impression of what pregnancy was like when expecting more than one baby, it went into the diet, possible need for bedrest and likelyhood of early delivery.

Still the realization that finding a job was not going to be a realistic goal for me was not a good thing. I called it the "Death of Happiness" period of the pregnancy. We had just purchaed a house, found that Jason's employer's idea of about the same salary really meant $4.00/hr less and now realized that we were going to be struggling for at least the next year financially to even keep our home. Honestly, I am not sure how we did keep our house, but we did!

Breaking the News

While Jason & I had planned on having another baby, we were not exactly thinking right away. You know since we had just moved we planned to get settled and then maybe have another. However, at the same time we were not being overly "careful" since we had miscarried only about 3 months prior to the boys conception and I for one was nervous that the miscarriage might have meant that the next time around might be more difficult. Apparently I was wrong.

Since we had miscarried only a few months before I decided that we would tell NO ONE until we were at the 12 week mark and had seen the Dr. to make sure everything was fine. So we went about our moving and new house prep as usual. We settled on an OB, and my appointment was set for 12 weeks. Since we had been there,done that already with Jason attending just about EVERY pregnancy appointment while I was pregnant with Isabelle we felt that he could forgo the first appointment this time around. However, since we were not telling anyone and we had just moved back home we did not have a babysitter so I would have to bring Isabelle with me... She had just turned 3. So off we went to mommy's doctor.

Upon arriving they did the routine blood work, questions, and measurements. They also tried listening for a heartbeat. This was where things went wrong before so I was nervous. Actually, I had gone over ways in my mind about how I would deal with hearing that they could not find one in front of my new 3 year old. So, the nurse, who was super patient and understanding about my concerns (and the busy 3 year old), began searching for the heartbeat... this seemed to take hours, but I am sure it was only a minute or even less. Finally, the nurse says, "Well, something sounds a little 'strange', but don't worry I will make sure that you feel confident that everything is FINE before you go." If you have never been to this kind of appointment before I will assure you that when a nurse, midwife, ob or other medical professional is listening to your belly for your baby's heartbeat, "something sounds strange" is NOT what you want to hear. I managed to hide my anxiety from my daughter as we made the trek down the hall to see if we could get an ultrasound. Again, since this was supposed to be a routine first appointment Jason was not in attendance and we certainly did not think that we would be having an ultrasound.

So, I get on the table the cold jelly is applied to my belly and my 3 year old is eagerly watching the "TV" as the nurse searches for the baby.She finds it quickly and everything looks fine and then she keeps searching... I thought that was odd, but I was too relieved to read anything into the second search. Then she finds another "something" and says, "do you see what I see?" and I respond that I see the baby there, pointing to the initial spot and something else over there." my mind still was thinking that this other "something" was a problem like a cyst or problem related to the previous miscarriage. She laughs and says, yes, there does seem to be 'something' else over there... it is another BABY!" I still did not get what she was saying until she said the words two babies, TWINS!

I sat there in shock, staring at the screen, and then looking at Isabelle. Finally, I said, "But I don't have twins in my family." Of course that may or may not be true since I was adopted and have no idea what my biological family history is, however, I had no response for such a thing. My second question was, "Are you going to be the one to tell my husband?" She must have said no because somehow, I made it out of the office and scheduled a second ultrasound appointment and got to my car as if on autopilot. I also somehow dialed my cell phone to call Jason as he was just getting out of work and relaxing before class... I somehow uttered that everything was fine, but that there was some news. There were two. Of course he thought I was kidding and then I got mad because how could anyone joke about a thing like that?!?! I mean, sure we had, but would I really do it now? Well, maybe, but nope, not this time!

At this point we felt that it was important to start telling people since I might start to show earlier. What I didn't know until now was that Jason's mother had already asked Jason if I was pregnant. I remember being incensed at this thought! I mean really I was only 12 weeks! I could have hid it a lot longer with Isabelle, but then again I was having twins! People were of course happy for us that I was pregnant, but I made sure my parents and everyone else I told was sitting before we told them there were two... Most people had the same reactions Jason & I did... complete shock!

The Back Story

Prior to the boys conception we had been living in Rhode Island, a happy little family of three. I had been teaching and Jason was working for his present employer. Isabelle was about 2.5 and we were worried about school, already. The little girl across the street had started Kindergarten the previous year and was in an average size class with 28 children. For those of you who are not familiar with teaching kindergarten students 28 kids who are new to the whole "school thing" is just too many kids. We had talked a lot about moving back home to Maine so that Isabelle could be closer to her grandparents and the opportunity arose when Jason's employer announced the opening of a new store in Portland, Me! This was our shot to move home! Jason started "Project Pine Tree Relocation" and we listed our house for sale! There was a catch, however, there is always a catch you know. The store was set to open on Valentine's Day and I was a teacher meaning I would have to leave my job prior to the end of the school year. So, I gave notice that I would be taking a leave of absence from February vacation through the end of the school year and planned to get a job in Maine.

Things went smoothly overall with the initial transition. We sold our house in Rhode Island in perfect timing to move in February. We found a 2 family house in Maine that although I was not in love with it, I was sure we would live there for about a year and then rent both halves of the house and use the equity for a down payment on a single family house that we liked better in a school district that we liked better. This is where things took a bit of a turn.

As I said we moved in February, and actually closed on our new house within a week of moving, but had LOTS of work to do before actually moving into the house. Basically just cosmetics, but still, work. In the mean time we lived in my grandmother's condo for about a month. By the time we moved into the new house in March, you guessed it... I was pregnant!